Newsletter: Rejected cards, dog vs. vacuum and more

NEWSLETTER ISSUE #4
Hi there! Let's get right into it.  

 WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING AROUND HERE 

Rejected Halloween Card
As some of you know, I create greeting cards for Recycled Paper Greetings, a U.S.-based card company. I work on a freelance basis -- I send them fully developed cards (copy, art, inside message -- everything) and then they decide if they want to license it. 

Well, I was looking back at some old Halloween submissions to see if there were any funny cartoon ideas I forgot about, and I happened upon this card that I'm going to show you now.

Keep in mind, the goal with cards is usually to keep the message SHORT and make it appeal to the WIDEST AUDIENCE. With that in mind, here's a card idea I pitched several years ago. 

Front:

Inside left: 

Inside right: 

Yep. That's what I submitted. A long, weird story about a guy who DIES at the hands of his own FARTS.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?? 

And in case you're wondering, YES, I did take the time to sculpt that giant butt-costume out of molding clay. Took me a while, actually. 

Needless to say, this card was not accepted. Shocking, I know. Maybe the world just wasn't ready for a fart-based comedy/tragedy on this scale. Who knows.

I'll leave you with this thought, though: No matter how bad your day gets, at least you're not Kevin.

Dog vs. Vacuum
Our dog JJ is wary of many things. Cats. Healthy dog treats. The Schnauzer up the street. But nothing unnerves him more than our vacuum cleaner.

He hates it with every inch of his little body and soul.

The vacuum stays calm, cool and collected, which only enrages the dog more.  

The vacuum doesn't even have to be doing anything. It's very existence offends him, and if he sees it sitting in a room, he goes berserk. 

When you actually turn it ON, he loses his last shred of sanity and tries to attack it. 

If we're vacuuming large areas and taking breaks, we have to throw a blanket over the vacuum or hide it in the bathroom, just to get some peace and quiet from all the barking. One time I tried to lay the vacuum down on its side and tell JJ, "Look, it's dead!" He didn't believe me, and launched an even more vigorous attack, perhaps believing the vacuum to be in weakened state. 

I don't know what he's trying to protect us from. Cleaning? 

Hmmm. Hold on. Now that I think about it, JJ might be the smart one here.

Yeah, I think it's time to retire the vacuum for good. If you need me, I'll be napping on the couch with my super-intelligent dog. 

Latest from Hedger Corp

For those of you following the Hedger Corp saga, two stories went up since the last newsletter. Here they are in case you missed them: 

Hiring The Interns

Conducting a Team Building Workshop

 FROM MY SKETCHBOOK 
Random drawings: Here's a super-excited girl who carved a super-excited pumpkin. And a very bored guy who carved a very bored pumpkin. Well done, you two! 

 RECENT CARTOONS 
In the past two weeks we've covered loose teeth, Halloween costumes, FaceTime fails, laundry and more. I post a cartoon every weekday, as most of you know. If you missed any, head over to my website to catch up!

The most popular cartoon in the past two weeks was this one, about aging. My (very funny) friend Abby wrote it, and I illustrated it. Some commenters said they started feeling this way in their 30s, some said 40s or even 50s. Whatever the case, at some point, things head in this direction... 

 CARTOON STORIES  
I've been bringing some old cartoon-illustrated stories (from my previous blog) over to my new site. In case you missed them, here are the two stories that went up in the last two weeks: 

Claire's Question Game

Sisters POW! (The Magazine) 

 FINAL NOTES 

Did you plan on buying a venti-sized specialty coffee at Starbucks, but then you changed it to a tall because you were scared of how many calories were in a venti serving?

Well then, you likely saved around $1.00 on coffee -- and I know what you can do with that money! For a totally optional donation of just $1 per month you can support Hedger Humor, and help me continue creating the comics! I make 15 to 20 new cartoons per month, so that's a lot of great content for one dollar! Plus I set up rewards for people who support my work!

Here's the link if you want to learn more. Thank you!

Where I post things... 

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In the next issue...
All the usual good stuff, plus insight about a very special cartoon!