Failing at life, legitimate excuses, cartoons

May 19, 2018

Newsletter #37

In This Issue:

Seriously, Kids?
A Legitimate Excuse
Most Popular Cartoons

Seriously, Kids?

I arrived at the kitchen pantry hungry, and immediately spotted a box of crackers. Mmm, perfect!

But when I grabbed it, I noticed it was unusually light. I looked inside.

There was ONE mini-cracker. One.

SIGH.

I ate the cracker, but friends, it did not satisfy me.

And this is where I ask you: WHO PUTS THE BOX BACK WITH JUST ONE CRACKER?!

Answer: Kate does. "The box was NOT empty," she explained later.

I suppose this incident isn't as bad as the time my kids ate every last piece of mango, then put the EMPTY container back in the fridge.

I didn't realize throwing away a container was so difficult. But honestly, it's a constant battle to get my kids to develop even the most basic household-related skills.

For example, it's pretty easy to put toothpaste onto a toothbrush, right? You'd think a person over the age of 10 should be able to manage that?

Think again.

I mean, what even HAPPENED here? I'm so curious about the sequence of events that led to that scene.

Then there was the time that I was doing laundry. I went into Kate's room and emptied her laundry hamper. Took every last item out of it. Nothing left.

I returned to her room two hours later, and she was lying on her bed. I looked over at her hamper, and this is what I saw.

I couldn't believe it. "What IS this??" I asked her.

She took a long look at the hamper, then said, "That's me failing at life."

I give her points for correctly identifying the issue. But still!

The only saving grace in all of this is that it gives me content for cartoons. Like these, for example.

At the rate my kids are going, I'll have content for MANY years to come. So stay tuned, folks!

A Legitimate Excuse

It was a school morning. I'd seen Claire up and about, but she'd been quiet for a while, and I was worried. Had she fallen back asleep? Was she watching yet another episode of The Office on the family iPad? Who knew.

"Claire!" I yelled, "I hope you're getting ready for school!"

"I'm not!" she yelled back.

"GET READY FOR SCHOOL!" I said.

Her reply: "I can't move! Come look!"

I marched into room where she was evidently stranded, and lo and behold I saw this:

You might remember our family rule:

What's that? No, our dog isn't spoiled. Why would you even suggest such a thing??

I did manage to eventually coax the dog away from Claire, so she could get ready for school. But her excuse was legitimate. There's no arguing that.

Top Cartoons

In the past two weeks, I've covered aging, conversations with teens, Mother's Day shenanigans and more! If you missed anything, visit my website to catch up.

The most popular cartoon was this one, about the dishwasher. In our house, if you discover it, you empty it. So whatever you do, DON'T DISCOVER IT.

Another popular cartoon was this one, from the archives. It's based on a tweet by Simon Holland. Oh, how standards fall by the end of the school year!

When I posted this last year, someone commented, "You wrap them in foil?? Fancy!"

I liked that comment.

Patreon? What the heck is that?

If you enjoy Hedger Humor, you can support the cartoons! Over on my Patreon page you can learn about pledging $1 or more per month toward my work. You'll receive different rewards, including behind-the-scenes videos! And thank you to all my existing supporters. I love you all!

Are you seriously bored? Past issues of my newsletter are archived here.

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