Words You Don't Want to See Together, 3 Fun Things, Art for You & More
February 26, 2023
In This Issue:
Words You Don't Want to See Together
Three Fun Things
Art For You!
Top Cartoons
Quick note: Due to a glitch in the newsletter-building software, I wasn't able to send myself a test email before sending this out. I'm hoping nothing looks weird, but if it does, I apologize!
Words You Don't Want to See Together
I had my first colonoscopy this month, and as part of the experience I encountered words I never wanted to see together.
A colonoscopy is, of course, the medical exam that checks your large intestine (including the colon, rectum, and anus) for problems such as cancer.
Fun!
To prepare for it, you have to drink a weird beverage that “cleans you out,” so to speak. You drink it, then about 45 minutes later things start happening.
So there I was, reading the prep instructions, when I saw the words "high-velocity" next to the word "diarrhea."
I mean, why are we even mentioning velocity?? The word “diarrhea” alone is enough to get everyone’s attention. Surely we don’t need to muse about the power or speed of it!
It made me wonder: What was going ON in that meeting where they were writing the instructions?
Fast forward to the night before my colonoscopy. I was mixing the drink. It was a thick, syrupy concoction—as if someone had melted a box of weird popsicles into a cup.
And that’s when I ran into another combination of words I didn’t like. The words “drink” and “ALL of it.”
You have to consume it within an hour. At first, that seems like a reasonable amount of time. But no matter how many sips I took, the volume never seemed to go down.
I ended up sucking on lemon slices in between sips and that helped.
I was finally able to finish it. And we all know what happened next.
The next morning I was met with another set of words I didn’t like: “Drink another serving.”
This second dose was worse because now I knew what was coming.
After a lengthy bathroom visit, I encountered yet another set of disturbing words. The word “absolutely” followed by “no more food or water.”
This wasn’t good because I become a big baby when I know I have to fast. It just totally gets in my head.
Thankfully, on the day of my colonoscopy I wasn’t thinking about food. The last thing I wanted was anything that could turn itself into high-velocity matter.
No, I was just thirsty.
SO thirsty.
Sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office, all I could think about was water.
At last, it was time.
And here’s the great news: the actual colonoscopy procedure is so easy. They covered me with a warm blanket. They gave me an IV with fluids, and they sedated me. I felt like I took a brief nap and voila! It was over.
In my post-procedure instructions, I FINALLY found some words that I appreciated. The words “you’ll want to take” paired with the words “a long nap.” NOW we’re talking, people!
Oh, and more good news: My colonoscopy was normal! No issues. My next one will be in ten years, and hopefully by then the drink will have improved.
Or maybe not.
3 Three Fun Things
1. "We Walk Dogs" Video
Maybe you follow the "We Rate Dogs" social media accounts (they're great). Well, the creator, Matt Nelson, started a YouTube channel and I really enjoyed the first video. You can watch it here. He talks to television personality Adam Savage about creating interesting things, and also about dogs. It's quite fun.
2. Modern Day Seinfeld
If you're a fan of the TV show Seinfeld, you might like this Instagram account. Readers come up with new plots, and most of them are really good! It's so fun to have one of these pop up when I'm scrolling Instagram. In a way, it makes me feel like the show is still going on.
3. Yup That Exists
Another fun Instagram account is called "Yup That Exists." It's a collection of truly random products, facts, services, etc. The tagline is simply: "Things you never knew existed." Here are two examples...
Art For You!
I have a fun piece of art for you this month! It a printable 8.5 x 11 page that includes a thank-you message and two birthday messages...
You can download it here or by clicking on the image. Then you can print it, cut out the part you want to use, and give it to someone! (You can color the black and white birthday message.)
Or you can save it, then digitally crop the image and email or text the message to someone. Whatever you want to do!
Here's a look at how my friend Krista used the Valentine's art I included in last month's issue:
If you want even more printable and shareable art, consider joining my Patreon Club! For $1, $3 or $5 per month, you will receive exclusive art AND support my work. You can build your own collection of fun messages to send to people in your life! Learn more here.
Top Cartoons
Let's close things out by looking at the most popular cartoons since the last newsletter.
First, we have this one, about my daughter's email.
I was thinking 5,000 was high, but then a reader sent me this.
I feel like, at that point, maybe you just walk away? Move to a new place, change your name, and start a new life where these emails can't find you.
People also enjoyed this cartoon, about a difficult night's sleep.
Oh, humans. We're so weird.
Here's another funny thing humans do:
Yes, this one is about dogs, but the sentiment applies to all pets!
Finally, we have this cartoon, about a game my kids made up years ago. I've posted this cartoon before, but this time I found the actual photo of them playing the game!
Looks like Claire came to win. (Protective eyewear is highly encouraged when playing Happy Town.)
Ok, that's it for this issue! Next month: A weird strategy I'm using to improve my life. It's not ideal, but it works. I'll explain!
See you back here in March.
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